Clifton Hill - The bag and the downfall.

With age we learn to dismiss and filter our prejudices. Cliches and categorisation become just another of life’s universal lies. Every now and again however, those hackneyed themes, those trite, apparently false truths are vindicated. Whilst conducting the analysis of this Clifton Hill underpass bench, we stumbled upon something which would forever cloud any neutrality we may have had before experiencing this wood and cement based structure. To get a better understanding of the bench’s surroundings, I ventured through the bushes to the perch of the underpass, only to find along the way a mysterious red and white travel bag. What we found inside could only be described as ‘unsurprising’. The character of this bench, its peculiar and seemingly pointless location together with the grunge aesthetic cannot compete with the ideological and metaphorical power of the discovery of the red and white travel bag. Views from this bench invite creativity, spark inquisitiveness, engender a sense of endless urban wonder. But reality’s fangs are sharp and cunning. One raised in the comfort of WASP suburban mundanity will always struggle to reconcile with one’s assumptions about the world, and so we grant this bench our lowest mark yet; 5.5 out of 10 benches.

Bench Three - All Nations Park Northcote - Environmentally sound, glorious location.

Capacity = 3 to 4

In ancient Greek mythology, daedalus taught his son Icarus not to fly too low or too high. This 100% recycled plastic park bench exemplifies the hubris of today's bench-makers. For whilst we should not forget the Economic and Environmental implications of the production of benches, one cannot ignore the detriment to comfortably which comes with sustainability. Wooden outdoor seating in its various forms usually provides a high level of comfort, however one finds this bench to be less conducive to relaxation.

Of course, this lack of genuine comfortability is easily trumped by the stunning sunset views provided by this west-facing beauty. At least when Icarus flew into the sun he would have had the best view possible. Reducing your environmental footprint whilst simultaneously enjoying the pleasures of communal and serene seating?

We give this bench

7.5 out of 10 benches