Clifton Hill - The bag and the downfall.

With age we learn to dismiss and filter our prejudices. Cliches and categorisation become just another of life’s universal lies. Every now and again however, those hackneyed themes, those trite, apparently false truths are vindicated. Whilst conducting the analysis of this Clifton Hill underpass bench, we stumbled upon something which would forever cloud any neutrality we may have had before experiencing this wood and cement based structure. To get a better understanding of the bench’s surroundings, I ventured through the bushes to the perch of the underpass, only to find along the way a mysterious red and white travel bag. What we found inside could only be described as ‘unsurprising’. The character of this bench, its peculiar and seemingly pointless location together with the grunge aesthetic cannot compete with the ideological and metaphorical power of the discovery of the red and white travel bag. Views from this bench invite creativity, spark inquisitiveness, engender a sense of endless urban wonder. But reality’s fangs are sharp and cunning. One raised in the comfort of WASP suburban mundanity will always struggle to reconcile with one’s assumptions about the world, and so we grant this bench our lowest mark yet; 5.5 out of 10 benches.

Bench Three - All Nations Park Northcote - Environmentally sound, glorious location.

Capacity = 3 to 4

In ancient Greek mythology, daedalus taught his son Icarus not to fly too low or too high. This 100% recycled plastic park bench exemplifies the hubris of today's bench-makers. For whilst we should not forget the Economic and Environmental implications of the production of benches, one cannot ignore the detriment to comfortably which comes with sustainability. Wooden outdoor seating in its various forms usually provides a high level of comfort, however one finds this bench to be less conducive to relaxation.

Of course, this lack of genuine comfortability is easily trumped by the stunning sunset views provided by this west-facing beauty. At least when Icarus flew into the sun he would have had the best view possible. Reducing your environmental footprint whilst simultaneously enjoying the pleasures of communal and serene seating?

We give this bench

7.5 out of 10 benches

Bench Two - Peel Street and Oxford Street Collingwood, Vic, Australia

Capacity:

Strangers: four

Friends: ten to twenty

The most outstanding feature of this maroon coated bench is the possibility for large gatherings to convene around one masterfully crafted and unique bench. As opposed to bench number one, this bench is the exemplar of homeless functionality. Not only could one sleep horizontally, but one could enjoy the company of other horizontally slumbering people void of home.
As far as views go, this bench offers little to no aesthetic pleasure. The contemporary aspects of the bench allow for practicality and comfortability, however the location lacks charisma. 

One might consider the bench and surrounding aspects to be conducive to higher class outdoor pre drinking. This bench is evidently not the inspiration of your standard bench designer but rather represents the more contemporary spectrum of bench design.

Given these aspects, we give this bench a Benchmark rating of

7.5/10 benches

Bench One - Brunswick street and Kerr Street Fitzroy, Vic, Australia

Capacity
Strangers: Two people
Friends: Four - Eight people
This bench wholly represents the Fitzroy style. It faces the Evelyn Hotel, a long standing local venue and sitters can view all the action of Brunswick Street. This bench boasts a common Maroon coating and is covered in tags.
Immediately the bench is cold on the buttocks and leads into quite a comfortable groove. Unfortunately, the locations benefits are outweighed by its negatives, as passer-bys frown upon the nature of the bench's outward appearance. These people do not understand the bench, but this reality cannot be changed. It is advised one not attempt to read on this bench, especially no Foucault. The bench offers little privacy and those seeking to sleep should search for a more applicable park bench. Aside from the Bench's infamy, its practicality is limited to lude activities. We give this bench a Benchmark rating of

5.5/10 Benches